I’m no longer putting the kids first. You heard me. That’s right, call me a bad mom ( please!?) call me selfish, Call dcfs but I’m no longer putting my kids first.
Because I’m putting me first, my marriage second and my kids third.
Drop the mic.
Third? Third you say? Won’t the children starve? Be neglected? Fail out of school? Blame me for everything in their therapy years from now?
For years I have put the kids first and let me tell you where that has gotten me:
- I got totally disconnected from my husband. We were not getting along or communicating. I was disregarding his feelings and just powering through life. I found myself constantly irritated with him that he couldn’t keep up with my insane social calendar. He could never meet my unrealistic standard of perfect parenting. He felt my disdain. Not good!
- My health suffered. I let health issues that were serious fall by the wayside. I put off doctors appointments and forgot to take my medication. That’s a dangerous game. How can I even put the kids first if I’m NOT HERE. Answer: I can’t. Me first!!!
- I lost my connection with myself. I wasn’t happy. I kept looking for my happiness in work, social activities, charity work, anything but going inward. I was spinning like a top and going nowhere on my hamster wheel.
- My faith dwindled. When the kids are first it means faith is not. As a part of putting myself first I am putting spirituality first as well.
- I was an unhappy mom. I was yelling, impatient, mean. I was always irritated. I couldn’t enjoy them or connect. I was constantly thinking about after school activities, play dates, their homework,
- You don’t need to put the kids first. You will naturally care for them and they will constantly demand your attention. Don’t worry! They will get their needs met!
What has happened since putting myself and my husband first? I no longer need to be on anyone else’s social calendar. I no longer care if my kids are doing every after school activity in the world. I’m running my own race at a slower pace. I feel lighter. I am laughing more. I appreciate my husband. I’m only spending time with good friends. I am cherishing the quiet moments. I’m exercising. I’m writing. I’m in essence being more of myself.
I’m off the hamster wheel of parenting and proud of it. Is life perfect? Hell no… but I’m enjoying life more than ever before.